-what and where my life is right now-

how i loved him so much...
he is peter - a graphic artist. a designer. smart. intellectual. i am really hooked with that person and almost all of my friends keep asking what's with the person - that i don't know. he is a batchmate back in the old old high school. very simple person. lots of wisdom.let me use this blog to say what i feel right now.i love it when he becomes sweet when we have our quality time.. i love it when he kisses me like there's no tomorrow. i love it wen he gives me a hug, so warm that i don't want to let go. i love it when he wipes my tears with his bare hands... i love it when he looks at me in the eye and says he loves me... i love him for everything he is - even if it means kissing him early in the morning without his teeth bein' brushed, nor staying beside him without taking a bath... i love it even if he scolds me at times, and tells me he really wants me to wear eye glasses and to have some bangs for my hair...but there are some things i hate about him that still keeps me on loving him...i had my bangs for him but he still wanted it to be a little thicker... i learned to watched anime. death note. trigun. enchanted movie. detective conan (though i have been watching it really). but it hurts most to be called "pretender" simply because he says i am not watching it. that i understand it. was it my fault to not clearly see what i was watching? was it my fault not to easily understand the story? sorry for the word but darn it fuck! i'm really so hurt. i have been preapred for the time that i have to let go because he still didn't enjoy his childhood because he had to work at an early age. but it seems that he is using that damn reason to leave me...it's so hard to accept.. you know how much i have loved you peter but u never seemed to care. you said you did.the worst thing about this...you keep saying,"i love you honey coh"...but did you ever know what it really meant?i stayed for you, as much as i caneven if staying with you meant tears already..a martyr they say.simply because i love you..even if it meant sacrificing my self, work,dignity and self...sumtimes i want to regret that i gave up everything for youbecause you don't know how to take care and value things...damn you peter...why do you keep on hurting me?why do you say you'll never make me cry again?but in the end, i always see myself in a cornersilently crying like a kidafraid to be left by a mother...i really hope that one day, you'll come to realize,that it was your worst mistake -to let me go...because im really telling you...you can never find someone like mewho'd love you to the full extent...and you can never find one like mewho can love you the way i did...i love youbut you never seemed to love me...you probably just cared...